Editing For Exposition

    When it comes to writing, if there’s one thing I've noticed that really separates the novices from the pros, it’s probably the use of exposition. Novice writers tend to explain each and every little detail, inserting plenty of adjectives and adverbs to be sure the reader doesn’t miss a beat. The result is “fluffy” writing, where much is superfluous and just begging for the editor’s DELETE key. In a way, it’s kind of like someone delivering the punchline of a joke and then immediately nudging you in the ribs.
    Haha! You get it? It’s funny because…
    Yeah, we get it. It’s funny. Or at least it was funny.
    Too much exposition in a story has the same effect on readers. They don’t want all the details; they don’t need them. They just need the story. Whatever isn’t story shouldn’t be there. Good writing simply conveys the essential elements and leaves the rest to the reader’s imagination. Let them figure out what color the protagonist’s hair is, or whether your villain said something ‘maniacally’ or ‘vengefully’. So much of this is excess.
    This isn’t to say I’m an expert writer by any means, and I’m certainly guilty of this exact thing in my writing. But I am improving! The key is editing. During the composition of the second and third drafts, I labor over each and every word. Does it need to be there? Can the verb+adverb combo be replaced by a better verb? (Instead of “said angrily”, can I use “fumed”, “spat” or possibly “hissed”?) Can several words be condensed into one? Do I need to say (“He bent over to inspect the sidewalk” or can it just be “He inspected the sidewalk closely”?)
    Editing is tireless work, but it’s got to be done and the results are worth it. Check out this excerpt from an early draft of The Unrighteous.

“I can’t believe we’ve been on this plane for over nine hours,” Naomi said, looking over her shoulder at her husband. Charlie returned a neutral expression.  His mouth opened slightly as if to say something, but he thought better of it.
    “Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon,” He finally said positively, removing a highlighter from his lapel pocket and underlining something.
    Naomi glared at her husband. “Ugh. I just really want to land. I don’t know how you stand it,” she sighed.
    Charlie shrugged distractedly. “I dunno. I guess I never really minded flying. It helps clear my mind I guess. It helps that I’ve got something to occupy myself with, too. You didn’t bring anything to read?”
    Naomi let out a soft groan. “I don’t feel like reading. How are you not worried?” She complained.
    “What makes you think I’m not worried? I’m worried,” Charlie said.
    “You don’t look it. Reading books, napping. I can barely think of anything else.”
    “Naomi, everything will be fine,” Charlie said reassuringly. He tried to put his arm around her but changed his mind, discovering that the headrests formed an awkward barrier between their seats...

   The passage above is a good start. There are some important unspoken cues given by both Charlie and Naomi to suggest their differing moods and personalities. Charlie is content studying his book while his wife yearns for his acknowledgment of her discomfort. The problem is all those verbs and adverbs. Ok, sure, we see her impatience and frustration in  “groaned”, “glared”, “complained”, “sighed”, and the adverbs “distractedly”, “positively”, and “reassuringly” help show that Charlie isn't engaged. But do these words really need to be there? Can the reader infer any of this without the exposition?
    Let's see...

“I can’t believe we’ve been in the air for over nine hours,” Naomi said. Charlie wore a neutral expression.  His mouth opened slightly, then closed again.
    “It’ll be over soon,” He said, removing a highlighter from his lapel pocket and underlining something.
    Naomi glared at her husband. “I just really want to land. I don’t know how you stand it.”
    Charlie shrugged. “I dunno. Never really minded flying. Helps clear my mind I guess. It helps that I’ve got something to occupy myself with, too. You didn’t bring anything to read?”
    Naomi let out a soft groan. “I don’t feel like reading. How are you not worried?”
    “What makes you think I’m not worried? I’m worried.”
    “You don’t look it. Reading books, napping. I can barely think of anything else.”
    “Naomi, everything will be fine,” Charlie tried to put his arm around her but changed his mind, discovering that the headrests formed an awkward barrier between their seats.

   Much better, no? The dialogue still works without a lot of the previous verbs and adverbs. Instead of directly saying that Charlie is distracted, I can imply it by having him speak in short, clipped sentences. His mind is elsewhere; he’s not giving his wife his full attention. And really, do we need the words “complained”, “sighed”, "positively" and "reassuringly"? Isn’t that obvious from what’s being said?
    Notably, the second version has nearly forty words fewer than the first. But I think that’s part of what makes it better. After all, less is more. Cut the excess!